The other day my sister and I were lazing at my house, just chatting (reality TV on in the background), when she said something that really struck me. She said: “you know, you define every event in your life by the weight that you were.”
And it’s so true. I know my lowest high school weight (108), my high school graduation weight (117), my weight when I met my husband (135), my weight when I graduated college (140), my wedding weight (145), and my highest weight (xxx). I can probably even tell you my weight just by looking at an old photo. I know that I haven’t had the healthiest relationship with the scale and my body, but it just seems so dumb that through all these memories, all these celebrations and life changing moments that I remember something as stupid as a three digits number on a scale. The number has nothing to do with how much I excelled or enjoyed myself or how much others loved me or were proud of me. It’s just a number.
And that’s why I need to change. Confidence begins from within no matter what weight or size. So I’m working on my mind and my happiness rather than the number. When I treat myself right, I feel even better at this weight than I did at my lowest weight.
I started this little blog with the intention of documenting my weight loss, half-marathon training, and recipes. As I racked up miles and whipped up healthy meals, my focus was the number on the scale. But, a lot has changed since my life hit an unexpected U-turn when I injured my knee running in December 2013 and wasn’t able to walk, let alone run. Running had always been my go-to workout and, to me, was synonymous with weight loss; it was a big deal. I had my first knee surgery in January 2014 and was glued to the sofa for months. Surgery didn’t work and my knee required yet another surgery in December (more sofa).
Since my activity level never surpassed sitting/limping, I slowly became depressed and unable to shed pounds. To improve my mood, I tried to focus more on healing my knee rather than losing weight. The problem was, I didn’t really know what to blog about anymore. So I spent the year blogging about my travels and daily life, and gradually began focusing on self-improvement and happiness. My blog is now less about weight loss and more about my recovery and journey to self-confidence and body acceptance. Yes, I still plan to lose weight and get healthy, but I also focus on what makes me happy: my friends, traveling, my family, and trying new things. This blog is now my space to share my experiences (and maybe a recipe here and there) as a twenty-something struggling to find balance.